Good White Men, Uncovered

Last Monday was my son's last day of preschool, forever ever. One morning last week, when I complained to my husband that I didn't trust our local post office to successfully hold our mail while we're gone this summer, Max looked up and asked “Why mama?? Because of the patriarchy??”

He appears to be growing up, and I would like him to grow up proud of who he is. At the same time, I want him to know that, as a White man, people expect and encourage not only his mediocrity, but his abuse. I tell him, in a five-year-old way, about the bargain that was made in this country, what my friend Garrett Bucks refers to as the “monkey’s paw” of White supremacy. It is, in many ways, the fiber of our society, or at least one of the fibers. Though I chuckled at my son’s suggestion that the foibles of the USPS, especially the branches in underfunded urban places like ours, would be connected to the patriarchy, it is in fact quite easy to draw those lines.

A few months ago, I wrote a post lamenting the dirth of White male role models in our society. You might be thinking “Are you fucking kidding me??? There are so many godamned White men everywhere you look, you cant get away from them!” Yes. And, as I chronicled, so many of the White men my child is being instructed to idolize, from George Washington to Bill Clinton, were or are, upon close or even shallow scrutiny, douchebags. The question I posed to myself, and then to readers was, “if you were going to put a poster of a White man up in your child’s room, who would you happily have it feature?”

What makes a Good White Man? To me it is someone who not only recognizes their privilege but works to undo it, who devotes much of their time and energy, in some way, to the service of others, without bragging about it or thinking their work is the answer to everything. Who knows the names of his children’s friends. Who thinks and talks about personal growth, makes real apologies and offers reparations for past wrongs. The only answer I could come up with, I half-joked, was Mark Ruffalo, though I cannot verify the status of his diaper-bag skills.

But as is so often the case, my people came to my rescue, showering me with fabulous ideas. There are, it turns out, many Good White Men, more than I could ever keep track of. After much inspirational research (anyone else cry while doing research?), I offer you a small solution to the problem I presented. Here are some Good White Men I had mostly not even heard of until recently but who give me hope that my son can join the slow but absolutely essential unraveling of White male dominance. If he wants to do good in the world, he will have to be radical, but he won't have to go it alone.

Note: I won an award for “Best Drawing Of A Dress” in first grade and then decided my artistic skills had peaked and I’d better stop improving. If anyone out there can draw more than stick figures, let’s get a Good White Men poster series going!

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The “Good White Men” List (So Far)

1. Carl Braden was a trade unionist, journalist, and activist who was known for his work during the civil rights movement in the highly segregated and violently racist Kentucky. Braden and his wife Anne, a storied anti-racist activist, gained notoriety for purchasing a home on behalf of the Wades, a black family, in a segregated White neighborhood of Louisville. As a result, Braden was charged with sedition, for the first of several times. He would continue to fight against racism and segregation, being brought before the House Un-American Activities Committee (and refusing to answer their questions). He seemed like a super dope husband.

2. DJ Savarese is an autistic public-speaker, writer, and activist who has advocated widely for the inclusion and support of non-traditionally speaking people. DJ has published many works of poetry, co-directed, produced, and starred-in a documentary about his life and the power of facilitated communication to unlock the rich minds of nonspeaking individuals, and became the first non-traditionally speaking autistic person to graduate from Oberlin College.

3. Paul E. Fallon is a Cambridge, Massachusetts based writer who has deeded his multi-million dollar home to a local nonprofit to support homeownership for marginalized residents of his increasingly unaffordable town. Fallon writes on his blog that he is done with putting up with “baloney” and he thinks he can be both happy and do what’s right. Paul reminds us that you don’t have to be famous to be a Good White Man.

4. Parker J. Palmer is an American author, educator, and activist who focuses on issues in education, community, leadership, spirituality and social change. He grew up in a White, middle-class suburb, got a PhD in sociology, became a community organizer, moved to a Quaker community, and is now an advocate for, among other things, examining our inner lives and incorporating such examining into teaching. He is a man who talks openly about his depression. In an interview, he said once: “I mean, look at me: a white, middle-class, well-educated, straight male who lives in a society that is made to work for people like me. So people like me have a sense of entitlement that is very toxic to other people—and I think ultimately toxic to ourselves. We have this sense that we’re set apart, special, that the normal rules of life don’t apply. Living for a decade in a society of radical economic equality rammed away at my sense of entitlement in ways that helped me come back to health and wholeness and sanity. Because that entitlement stuff is insane. It’s batshit crazy!”

5. Ady Barkan is an activist, brought to fame by confronting Senator Jeff Flake about a harmful Republican tax bill airplane. Barkan, who is dying from ALS, speaks widely about healthcare reform and Medicare for All, co-founded the progressive PAC Be A Hero, and gave a rousing speech about the need for universal health care at last year’s Democratic National Convention, where he said these words: “Nurses, doctors, patients, caregivers, family members – we are all insisting that there is a better way to structure our society, a better way to care for one another, a better way to use our precious time together. If we do the work, we will build the better world our families deserve.” My husband’s thoughts on Barkan, to my point about people expecting very little of White men: “I keep waiting for him to have some secret, but I think he’s actually just an amazing guy.”

6. Gregg Popovich is a 25-year-NBA coaching phenom, an Air Force veteran, and the rare White professional sports coach to constantly speak up about racism and social justice. He raised his voice early and emphatically in support of Colin Kapernick, gives his players copies of Between the World and Me, and hired the first full-time female assistant coach in the NBA, Becky Hammon. He once left a $5,000 tip at a Memphis wine bar. He is possibly the most humble and curious man ever at his level of success. Below you can see him tearing up discussing the retirement of Tim Duncan, who played for him for 15 years, and who he apparently often surprised with slices of carrot cake, Tim’s favorite.

7. Timothy McCarthy. Dr. McCarthy is a historian, educator, and human rights and social justice activist who has taught at Harvard University since 1998. He was/is a founder and head instructor for the Boston Clemente Course in the Humanities, a free college course for lower income adults in Dorchester which was a co-recipient of the 2015 National Humanities Medal from President Barack Obama. Dr. McCarthy has taught the American History portion of the Boston Clemente Course since its founding in 2001, and is quoted as having once said “I have completely reworked my syllabus for this year’s class,” a phrase that, as an instructor in higher education, I can promise you is almost never uttered by someone with tenure. He says this about history: “At its core, history is a contested set of stories about change over time, a way for us to understand not just the origins and evolution of society, but also the various motivations that spur these changes…History could now be told from the “bottom up” as opposed to top-down.”

this is pretty much the only picture of tim on the internet - love

8. Olof Palme was a major leader of Sweden’s labor movement and Swedish Prime Minister until his assassination in 1988. While some bozo international leaders (ahem) were promoting free-market solutions and turning a blind eye to international injustices like apartheid and the Vietnam War, Palme pushed his welfare-for-all agenda and didn’t give a *$#! whether there were political consequences for calling out horrible policies. One of his major inspirations for becoming a socialist and fighting to provide work and public resources to all Swedes was his time in America seeing the devastating effects of racism and the economic divide between White and Black Americans. He was a strong advocate of gender equality and an open feminist. I could tell you about the smallest victories of the War of American Independence, but had literally never heard of this guy until a few weeks ago. Sigh.

9. Steven Brion-Meisels was an educator and activist who taught peace-making and cooperation all around the Boston area until his death from cancer in 2014. A local icon in my childhood community, he was involved in endless projects, both big and small, that spread non-violence, social-emotional growth and social justice. Every child in the Cambridge Public School Systems interacted with Steven, forever smiling, listening, and sporting his trademark corduroy jacket. It is not a requirement, but a lovely bonus trait of a Good White Man that his children also do good in the world, and Steven’s daughters, who I grew up with, are now a School Social Worker and a Professor of Education.

10. Ben Rubin is a dude who I once played Celebrity with at my god-brother’s wedding weekend. I honestly don’t know anything about him, other than that, when I put out an all-call about Good White Men, numerous friends of his mentioned him. I think he’s a doctoral student or professor and I have seen him advocating for dope causes on Facebook and I remember him being nice. I’m including him because I believe them that he is great, and I really just love the idea of a White man great enough to be praised by others and so not needing of attention that he cannot be hunted down on the internet, even by someone like me who is technically a millennial.

Also mentioned/need to hire an intern to do more research:

Paul Wellstone, George Saunders, David Bowie, Henry Wallace, Tom T. Hall, Wendell Berry, Olof Palme, Bob Ross, Patrick Stewart, Howard Zinn, Jon Cabot-Zinn, Willie Nelson, Jim Lebrecht, Dietrich Bonhoeffer, Primo Levi, Jim Henson, Steve Kerr, Paul Farmer, Adam Greenfield, Fred Rogers, Irwin Helford, Will Ferrell, Bob Colby.

Wait, there’s more!

-I cannot recommend enough this podcast episode featuring anti-racist teacher Garrett Bucks interviewed by journalist Courtney Martin. The fact that these are two of my favorite people on the planet is just like, the ninth best thing about it. If you want a dose of knowledge, hard-talk, and also hope about the work of White people in fighting racism, it’s here.