Help! What do I get my kid's teachers for the holidays?

An emergency PSA

Hi dears,

After getting several asks this week from parent friends about how to handle teacher gifts, I thought I'd share my thoughts on the subject with you all. Stay tuned for something more germane on the horizon!

Obviously, there’s a whole lot of socio-cultural mishegas behind all of this gift giving stuff. Capitalism sucks, moms usually have to be on top of this shit, teachers should just make enough money that they can get their own damn gifts, there’s no place to spend a dollar anymore that isn’t destroying the planet and its vulnerable populations. This is all true. And yet, here we are.

First piece of advice: do give gifts if you can afford it. Ok, so the first thing to keep in mind is that, with great love for all of y’all in the money-making world, it can be really difficult to wrap your head around the financial landscape of educators if you work outside of the education or nonprofit sector. To put it bluntly, educators don't make shit. For example, the average starting salary in my district is just over $46,000, before taxes. That is about twice the cost of a one-bedroom apartment in Oakland for a year - more than ten thousand dollars less than the cheapest Tesla. Beyond that, child care center and preschool teachers are typically paid a lot less than regular school teachers. Even if you think you're paying an arm and a leg for care, most of that goes to overhead like rent or keeping things up to code. Even at fancy private schools, educators don't make nearly as much as they should.

And it's not just about the poor salaries—there are almost no material perks in teaching. If you're lucky, someone brings donuts into the teacher’s lounge every few months, or parents organize a few times a year to buy you lunch. At most schools, there are no paid-for meals, no parties with an open bar, no reimbursements for an ergonomic keyboard.

When I quit teaching to move to the Bay Area and go to grad school, the parents of one of my students gave me a check that allowed me to buy some used furniture for my new apartment. I’ll never forget it. Even these days, a Starbucks gift card makes me feel seen in a way that buying myself a drink at Starbucks does not.

If you don’t have money this year, really don’t worry about - no educator would want you to be stretched thin on their behalf.

Second, remember there are many more people who support your kiddo than just their classroom teacher. As many underpaid teachers and administrators as every school has, there are just as many if not more part-time or un-credentialed employees, like teachers assistants, administrative assistants, recess monitors, lunch supervisors, custodians, and crossing guards, who make a fraction of the already criminally low salaries that their colleagues make, and may be really important presences in your kids lives. When I have worked in schools as a counselor or school psychologist, I am always touched by the parents who remember me, but more parents probably don’t really know much time I spend working with or thinking about their kids.

I asked my son, “who do you spend time with every day at your school?” He told me about the pull-out small group reading teacher, his librarian, his tech teacher, the two awesome dudes who are both referred to as “coach” who monitor the yard in the mornings and during recess. I also wanted to make sure we got something for the community school manager, who has been sending out emails about covid cases all damn semester. You can also ask your kid’s teacher, who are the people who support my child at school?

My third rule of thumb is; you can't go wrong with cash or gift cards. For every bright yellow stick blender that you use frequently (thank you C’s mom!), there is a painted scroll with a passage from the Torah about the sanctity of women that is, how should I put this, not your style (true story). Personal gifts are sweet, but think about how rarely you get that right even for your friends and family. What makes you think that Mrs. Applebaum is going to love that scarf you picked out? Most likely, with great love, she won't. What she might love though, is a heartfelt card or token of appreciation from you and/or your kid. I still have things that kids made me or sweet keepsakes like small paintings or good luck charms. A card saying specifically what you appreciate about an educator, or with a quote you've gotten from your kid can really make a difference for hardworking educators. Ask your kid, “what do you love most about this person? What do you like to do with them? How do you know they care about you and the other children?” And beyond that, get a frickin gift or cash card. Don’t fret over the amount too much, give what you can. This year we did $50 to each classroom teacher and $25 to a bunch of “helpers.” If you can give more, go for it! If you can do $5 or $10, it’ll still feel nice.

Finally, I’d like to say, after giving you a bunch of specific and impassioned instructions, not to worry too much about it all this week. If you didn't make it around to getting gifts and cards this week, give them something for the New Year. Remember that the end of the school year should be considered like the holidays and, if you have the financial capacity to give gifts, you should do another round then. Surprise educators with gifts or kind words whenever you can and do feel moved. Send them an email just to say how much you appreciate something they've taught your kid or what they do means to you. Teachers usually only hear from parents when something goes wrong. Be the change you want to see, etc etc.

On the eve of the last day of school in most districts, I will leave us with a salute to the the educators who bust their balls every year, and for whom this year has been particularly zany. Happy ferkin holidays!

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Also, this:

Speaking of school, 36-year-old NBA vet J.R. Smith just learned he got a 4.0 in his first semester back in college and I guarantee the story is gonna make you cry. Go watch the video, the internet won’t let me just post it below cause it’s too good.