I’m an enthusiastic joiner from Courtney Martin’s newsletter that happily introduced me to Sarah’s Momspreading. Are there any readers of both who want to spread the glorious message of grandparenting?
I’m a huge fan of Thich Nhat Hanh and bell hooks. As Courtney knows I’m also an eager participant in progressive causes from the Civil Rights movement in the 60’s to BLM in Portland. Courtney is now my favorite feminist in the U.S. and Fatima Bhutto abroad. Sarah personifies Gandhi’s maxim of “You be the change…”
Mostly I want to hear from those people who read these fantastic Newsletters so you can be sure that you have a faithful octogenarian listener.
Thank you for this! I wrote a lot of "ode to grandparents" posts in my head last year, as they saved me from utter overwhelm by talking to my kids all the damn time. I think you would be VERY simpatico with my mother, Beverly Reifman, and if you two want to talk to me about the art of grandparenting, I'm all ears!
Dearest Sarah, your rapid responses are truly awesome! Of course, I’d welcome contact with your mother so please give her my email address ddalton@barnard.edu.
I watched The Descent with my kids this past weekend (leading to lots of "daddy leave the hallway light on" -- glad to see they're not TOO jaded yet). I appreciate horror movies that don't treat death as a casual or promiscuous thing, but as something weighty with deep repercussions.
Also, I tried watching the Mandalorian with Max b/c he loves star wars, and mostly I thought it was fine, but I COULD NOT get over how death was acted out differently than in the original old-ass star wars. In that, you kind of see someone shoot of screen and maybe some bodies fall, in Mandalorian, even when a clone dies, which shouldn't feel personal, the camera stays on them until you see every bit of life drain from their body. It felt weirdly horrifying and not ok.
We had the death conversation recently, and I was so stressed about answering when Adrian asked me if I was going to die but I didn’t want to lie so I said “someday, when you’re much older, I will die” and then she just shrugged and said it’s fine because she’ll miss me but she’ll go live with a new family. And we’ve never talked about it again.
Oof. Thanks for sharing! Our son on and off has freak outs about death. They seem to come over him from "nowhere" and he starts running around the house out of breath saying " i just got really afraid of death, i'm afraid of death, i'm afraid of death!" Of course it's never really out of nowhere. There is usually a trigger somewhere (Coco was a big one for him the other night). We scoop him up and we hold him and breathe with him silently ( he is 9 and we have had a lot of convos about death and read all the books - PS: Death is Stupid is an amazing book for kids if you haven't seen it and also "lifetimes" if your child is still pretty young... i think of it as the veil being thin in these moments. I try to honor the courage he has to share this with us. I let him know that it's ok to be afraid ( I used to be really afraid of death and somehow in the last 2 or 3 years, I feel more acceptance around it - perhaps thanks to him, I don't know...) . We let him know that no matter what we will always love him. But these moments take so much! My heart breaks when I see him do that. Usually within 10 mns of breathing and cuddling he is back to his happy self, ready to take on the world. If only we could all be so transparent and vulnerable with our feelings and move on from them so rapidly with the support of one another! Thanks for doing that here. I felt less alone reading your post and I always appreciate your humor, which brings levity to the hardest job in the world!
Wow Dorothy, I think that thin veil comment is pretty poignant. I do find these conversations with kids heartbreaking, but in a way I also find discussing hard things with kids so easy, because they are in touch with something realer, like you allude to here
I never closed one of the parenthesis... maybe that's a metaphor... :)
Always
I’m an enthusiastic joiner from Courtney Martin’s newsletter that happily introduced me to Sarah’s Momspreading. Are there any readers of both who want to spread the glorious message of grandparenting?
I’m a huge fan of Thich Nhat Hanh and bell hooks. As Courtney knows I’m also an eager participant in progressive causes from the Civil Rights movement in the 60’s to BLM in Portland. Courtney is now my favorite feminist in the U.S. and Fatima Bhutto abroad. Sarah personifies Gandhi’s maxim of “You be the change…”
Mostly I want to hear from those people who read these fantastic Newsletters so you can be sure that you have a faithful octogenarian listener.
Dennis Dalton (DD)
Thank you for this! I wrote a lot of "ode to grandparents" posts in my head last year, as they saved me from utter overwhelm by talking to my kids all the damn time. I think you would be VERY simpatico with my mother, Beverly Reifman, and if you two want to talk to me about the art of grandparenting, I'm all ears!
Dearest Sarah, your rapid responses are truly awesome! Of course, I’d welcome contact with your mother so please give her my email address ddalton@barnard.edu.
Thanks again!
Warmest wishes, DD
I watched The Descent with my kids this past weekend (leading to lots of "daddy leave the hallway light on" -- glad to see they're not TOO jaded yet). I appreciate horror movies that don't treat death as a casual or promiscuous thing, but as something weighty with deep repercussions.
Also, I tried watching the Mandalorian with Max b/c he loves star wars, and mostly I thought it was fine, but I COULD NOT get over how death was acted out differently than in the original old-ass star wars. In that, you kind of see someone shoot of screen and maybe some bodies fall, in Mandalorian, even when a clone dies, which shouldn't feel personal, the camera stays on them until you see every bit of life drain from their body. It felt weirdly horrifying and not ok.
Yes Ben, that's a whole other thing, right, how we both treat death as terrible and ultimate but also are so damn easy breezy with it in the media
Thanks for the dance break with just as much cowbell as I needed on a Tuesday afternoon. Loved the piece as always.❤️
It is the perfect amount of cowbell :) love the image of you dancing....
We had the death conversation recently, and I was so stressed about answering when Adrian asked me if I was going to die but I didn’t want to lie so I said “someday, when you’re much older, I will die” and then she just shrugged and said it’s fine because she’ll miss me but she’ll go live with a new family. And we’ve never talked about it again.
Perfect!
Loved this piece..
But then I had to listen to the SNL version, More Cowbell. Also, I've only seen Coco 3 times, time for another watch. Thank you!
Haha I debated putting that one on... Classic
it would sort of distract from your actual point, though. You weren't trying to make fun of pretentious producers, etc.
Oof. Thanks for sharing! Our son on and off has freak outs about death. They seem to come over him from "nowhere" and he starts running around the house out of breath saying " i just got really afraid of death, i'm afraid of death, i'm afraid of death!" Of course it's never really out of nowhere. There is usually a trigger somewhere (Coco was a big one for him the other night). We scoop him up and we hold him and breathe with him silently ( he is 9 and we have had a lot of convos about death and read all the books - PS: Death is Stupid is an amazing book for kids if you haven't seen it and also "lifetimes" if your child is still pretty young... i think of it as the veil being thin in these moments. I try to honor the courage he has to share this with us. I let him know that it's ok to be afraid ( I used to be really afraid of death and somehow in the last 2 or 3 years, I feel more acceptance around it - perhaps thanks to him, I don't know...) . We let him know that no matter what we will always love him. But these moments take so much! My heart breaks when I see him do that. Usually within 10 mns of breathing and cuddling he is back to his happy self, ready to take on the world. If only we could all be so transparent and vulnerable with our feelings and move on from them so rapidly with the support of one another! Thanks for doing that here. I felt less alone reading your post and I always appreciate your humor, which brings levity to the hardest job in the world!
Wow Dorothy, I think that thin veil comment is pretty poignant. I do find these conversations with kids heartbreaking, but in a way I also find discussing hard things with kids so easy, because they are in touch with something realer, like you allude to here