I loved this essay. Sarah. I have had many of these same feelings and thoughts as I transitioned from a "serious" science writer to a parenting-focused science writer... like suddenly, it feels like my career has been relegated to the basement? Not that awards matter, but I entered and won a ton of awards as a "serious" science journalist, and now, my writing doesn't even qualify for them. If that's not a sign of being relegated, I don't know what is. And yet... and yet. I know it is important and valued by those who read it. Those people just aren't the the people our society deems "important." Which, I guess, is why our writing is ESPECIALLY important -- we are writing for and giving voice to the oppressed. Anyway. I am rambling, but I am HERE for everything you wrote, and I so value what you do!
FYI, I would 100% watch a 16 part Ken Burn documentary where you talk about motherhood over plaintive violin music. “Dearest Ruth Whippman, I shall not tarry. It has been six fortnights since I first laid eyes on thine tome, Boymom.”
I love what you wrote here. I'm 62, a therapist, and a mother of a 33-year-old amazing man. My husband died when that man was a baby, so I was in the trenches of trying to figure out all the parenting questions while devastated and grieving.
All that led to the work I do today. I work so hard to help people of all ages (including mothers!) live from their deepest selves, with integrity and self-trust, in this world of f-ed up externally focused goals.
Your work resonates with mine so fully. I profoundly appreciate your way of encouraging parents (mothers) to get out of their heads and into their inner-knowing, ability-to-read-their-specific-child, and fun-having.
I'm not a mother of a young child any more, but I read your Substack whenever it comes out, and I'll buy your book when it's published. Thanks for being a fellow influence for inner-directedness!
yes.. all this and a bag of chips. it took me a long time to change careers into becoming a lactation consultant. and it's probably the best job i've ever had despite my own internal dialogue. I just had one of my patients say "I have to make you a website. why do you not have a website?!" EXACTLY. i sent you an email...
"I am nervously practicing my spiel, as I pass it to a stranger, reminding myself that this work is something worth shouting out, something impressive, and at the same time just as natural, as normal, as living, as learning, as loving."
Totally feel this. My dissertation research was on ‘mommy blogs’ and people told me directly, as well indirectly, that this topic would do me no favors on the job market. They were al right! What was weird is women/mother academics would talk my ear off abt their experiences with their own motherhood. But never took my research seriously. It’s taken me ten years to shake the doubt that created.
Relate to a lot of this! I sometimes think I should write less about parenthood but then keep coming back to it and remind myself that I still get a lot out of reading it and my parenting pieces often feel like they resonate more than ones on other topics.
Beautiful essay. I’m looking forward to reading Attachments! And thank you for writing about Expecting Better vs the rest of her books, I was let down too.
Wow I feel so much of this in my bones, Sarah. The mumbling about what you do and telling other people to be proud of it, it’s such a strange internal downplaying. Also wow am I feeling the strangeness of certain books being put into certain dark corners or bookstores. You are doing amazing work and I so appreciate all of this.
Sheesh, I downplay myself like this. Also, I’m a former teacher who homeschooled with my kids, so I always assume that most other people think I’m some kind of uber stay-at-home mom instead of a thinker who writes about revolutionary ways of helping kids learn and grow. Thanks for the reminder to knock it off!
It's so hard to write about motherhood. I write about it myself and am in a constant battle with the naysayer in my head that tells me motherhood is niche and noone cares about it. Motherhood is not niche, it's everywhere, it just feels niche because we've been told for so long to shut up and get on with it, and to do so without bothering the non-mums with our thoughts. It's a minefield.
I loved this essay. Sarah. I have had many of these same feelings and thoughts as I transitioned from a "serious" science writer to a parenting-focused science writer... like suddenly, it feels like my career has been relegated to the basement? Not that awards matter, but I entered and won a ton of awards as a "serious" science journalist, and now, my writing doesn't even qualify for them. If that's not a sign of being relegated, I don't know what is. And yet... and yet. I know it is important and valued by those who read it. Those people just aren't the the people our society deems "important." Which, I guess, is why our writing is ESPECIALLY important -- we are writing for and giving voice to the oppressed. Anyway. I am rambling, but I am HERE for everything you wrote, and I so value what you do!
Oh, likewise Melinda! Maybe we should start our own awards???
LOL. I feel dumb for even talking about awards.... hello, extrinsic motivation, how are you... but it does at least illustrate the contrast!
FYI, I would 100% watch a 16 part Ken Burn documentary where you talk about motherhood over plaintive violin music. “Dearest Ruth Whippman, I shall not tarry. It has been six fortnights since I first laid eyes on thine tome, Boymom.”
I love what you wrote here. I'm 62, a therapist, and a mother of a 33-year-old amazing man. My husband died when that man was a baby, so I was in the trenches of trying to figure out all the parenting questions while devastated and grieving.
All that led to the work I do today. I work so hard to help people of all ages (including mothers!) live from their deepest selves, with integrity and self-trust, in this world of f-ed up externally focused goals.
Your work resonates with mine so fully. I profoundly appreciate your way of encouraging parents (mothers) to get out of their heads and into their inner-knowing, ability-to-read-their-specific-child, and fun-having.
I'm not a mother of a young child any more, but I read your Substack whenever it comes out, and I'll buy your book when it's published. Thanks for being a fellow influence for inner-directedness!
I have a first reader!!! Thank you Candyce :)
yes.. all this and a bag of chips. it took me a long time to change careers into becoming a lactation consultant. and it's probably the best job i've ever had despite my own internal dialogue. I just had one of my patients say "I have to make you a website. why do you not have a website?!" EXACTLY. i sent you an email...
i'll make you a website girl
"I am nervously practicing my spiel, as I pass it to a stranger, reminding myself that this work is something worth shouting out, something impressive, and at the same time just as natural, as normal, as living, as learning, as loving."
So beautiful and so spot on Sarah.
Totally feel this. My dissertation research was on ‘mommy blogs’ and people told me directly, as well indirectly, that this topic would do me no favors on the job market. They were al right! What was weird is women/mother academics would talk my ear off abt their experiences with their own motherhood. But never took my research seriously. It’s taken me ten years to shake the doubt that created.
That is totally fascinating, but not surprising!
The motherhood books in the basement holding up the main floor war books??? 😒 disgruntled but not surprised emoji.
Relate to a lot of this! I sometimes think I should write less about parenthood but then keep coming back to it and remind myself that I still get a lot out of reading it and my parenting pieces often feel like they resonate more than ones on other topics.
keep coming back to it, your readers appreciate it :)
Beautiful essay. I’m looking forward to reading Attachments! And thank you for writing about Expecting Better vs the rest of her books, I was let down too.
Wow I feel so much of this in my bones, Sarah. The mumbling about what you do and telling other people to be proud of it, it’s such a strange internal downplaying. Also wow am I feeling the strangeness of certain books being put into certain dark corners or bookstores. You are doing amazing work and I so appreciate all of this.
where are they putting your book maggie????
The sports section 🙃
Sheesh, I downplay myself like this. Also, I’m a former teacher who homeschooled with my kids, so I always assume that most other people think I’m some kind of uber stay-at-home mom instead of a thinker who writes about revolutionary ways of helping kids learn and grow. Thanks for the reminder to knock it off!
KNOCK IT OFF!! (but i get it :) )
It's so hard to write about motherhood. I write about it myself and am in a constant battle with the naysayer in my head that tells me motherhood is niche and noone cares about it. Motherhood is not niche, it's everywhere, it just feels niche because we've been told for so long to shut up and get on with it, and to do so without bothering the non-mums with our thoughts. It's a minefield.