I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Thank you for sharing this. I feel somehow like I can’t compliment the writing without complimenting the pain involved, but it’s a beautiful piece.
I'm sure you've already had this conversation, but this sounds exactly like covid to me. I had the same scary and weird dizziness followed by long fatigue and both of those are sort of classic, textbook covid. (And I had all this with no sick/flu-like symptoms, no runny nose, no sore throat and yet my recovery was weeks and weeks longer than my family who had the 'flu-like' version of covid). Obviously now a covid test wouldn't be helpful, but if things aren't getting better, looking at recommendations for covid recovery might be helpful.
I agree with you Katie! I took about 1000 rapid tests and one PCR right at the beginning. Nada. But it could be old COVID all stirred up, that's how COVID do!
Sending love across the fence to you dear Sarah. I recently reread my journal from a time just 3 years ago when unaccountable symptoms beset me (I was already in my 80s and was having a recurrence of concussion symptoms that were part of a big spiritual knot in my karma that I was wanting to untie). A theme of that time, which I had forgotten was the counsel of wise friends who said, like some of yours, "Accept, accept, be with what this is right now. Listen with your intuition, your heart not the head you are so highly trained to use for these things." this wasn't so easy for me (and still isn't.) But I can say from reading the journal that once I got used to this way of healing rather than curing myself, things started to change. And I know they will with you because you are on the right path dear little sister!
Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your pain. I am going to throw out there another potential culprit for your inside out brain: peri-fucking-menopause. When I was 35 my brain freaked the hell out too and nobody could explain why. I went to the ER, saw my doctor, saw an acupuncturist, saw a neurologist, etc. The most I got was anxiety, panic attacks, vasovagal response, etc. I eventually went to a psychiatrist that specializes in hormone related mental health conditions and she helped me connect the dots between hormonal shifts (I had recently stopped taking an adrenal blocker) and my sudden onset of symptoms along with some big life upheavals. She told me mid/late 30s onwards is when many women have big shakeups like this, of course nobody talks about it. Perimenopause can hit like a ton of bricks and take some time to work through. Of course I have no idea if this is what is going on with you, but it’s possible, and I sincerely wish you all the best. Thank you for writing so beautifully about the painful realization that the sense of self can be a transient thing.
Sarah, I am so very sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a shitty time. Thank you for your generosity and grace in sharing it with us. I’m not at all surprised to learn you’re an Enneagram 4 (says one 4 to another ☺️) as you have such a gift not only for articulating pain with vulnerability and clarity and humor (you’re really good at the humor!) but also for mining it for wisdom and truth. Sending all the good vibes your way. 💗
My husband had a very similar dizziness thing and we think it was probably migraines (after also doing a lot of doctor visits and an MRI when one doctor thought it could also be MS) but it’s so hard to pin down stuff.
I also get complex migraines (got some stroke like numbness symptoms for the first time around the time I turned 40, fun times!). But an MRI confirmed migraines.
In any event, I am impressed by the work you still got done and hope the MRI provides some clarity.
“No one is coming for me but me” is quite literally the mantra I adopted after a knee surgery in 2022 that should have just had a physical recovery but instead started me on a healing path that has been hard, necessary and life changing. And I love your paragraph about what each healer thinks is going on with the you - the spiritualized tempter tantrum is brilliant. Hang in there. One day at a time.
The hill and I both miss your former hand weight vitality but we love you in any and every form. Let’s go sit or lay on a bench on the hill when I’m back.
This was such a good read, despite your terrible situation... oof. I'm so sorry. The whole time I was thinking, SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN AN MRI. So I'm glad you got one, and I hope you get the results quickly. There has to be some sort of explanation here. I loved your Indigo Girls reference. I loved it all! Also, I'm a #4 too. ❤️
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Thank you for sharing this. I feel somehow like I can’t compliment the writing without complimenting the pain involved, but it’s a beautiful piece.
Thank you Tracy and feel free to compliment my pain! (see related note about being a 4 on the enneagram :) )
I do not want this to be happening to you, not one bit, but I am still honored to be one of your mystery-brain-illness-having friends
I'm sure you've already had this conversation, but this sounds exactly like covid to me. I had the same scary and weird dizziness followed by long fatigue and both of those are sort of classic, textbook covid. (And I had all this with no sick/flu-like symptoms, no runny nose, no sore throat and yet my recovery was weeks and weeks longer than my family who had the 'flu-like' version of covid). Obviously now a covid test wouldn't be helpful, but if things aren't getting better, looking at recommendations for covid recovery might be helpful.
I agree with you Katie! I took about 1000 rapid tests and one PCR right at the beginning. Nada. But it could be old COVID all stirred up, that's how COVID do!
Sending love across the fence to you dear Sarah. I recently reread my journal from a time just 3 years ago when unaccountable symptoms beset me (I was already in my 80s and was having a recurrence of concussion symptoms that were part of a big spiritual knot in my karma that I was wanting to untie). A theme of that time, which I had forgotten was the counsel of wise friends who said, like some of yours, "Accept, accept, be with what this is right now. Listen with your intuition, your heart not the head you are so highly trained to use for these things." this wasn't so easy for me (and still isn't.) But I can say from reading the journal that once I got used to this way of healing rather than curing myself, things started to change. And I know they will with you because you are on the right path dear little sister!
I'd be wise to take wisdom from you!! Thanks for your guidance and equinimity.
Hi, I’m so sorry to hear about your pain. I am going to throw out there another potential culprit for your inside out brain: peri-fucking-menopause. When I was 35 my brain freaked the hell out too and nobody could explain why. I went to the ER, saw my doctor, saw an acupuncturist, saw a neurologist, etc. The most I got was anxiety, panic attacks, vasovagal response, etc. I eventually went to a psychiatrist that specializes in hormone related mental health conditions and she helped me connect the dots between hormonal shifts (I had recently stopped taking an adrenal blocker) and my sudden onset of symptoms along with some big life upheavals. She told me mid/late 30s onwards is when many women have big shakeups like this, of course nobody talks about it. Perimenopause can hit like a ton of bricks and take some time to work through. Of course I have no idea if this is what is going on with you, but it’s possible, and I sincerely wish you all the best. Thank you for writing so beautifully about the painful realization that the sense of self can be a transient thing.
Oh jeez Nicole that sounds like a doozy! I just recently recieved a crash course in peri menopause/menopause, feels like it can cause... Anything???!😂
Sarah, I am so very sorry to hear you’ve been going through such a shitty time. Thank you for your generosity and grace in sharing it with us. I’m not at all surprised to learn you’re an Enneagram 4 (says one 4 to another ☺️) as you have such a gift not only for articulating pain with vulnerability and clarity and humor (you’re really good at the humor!) but also for mining it for wisdom and truth. Sending all the good vibes your way. 💗
My husband had a very similar dizziness thing and we think it was probably migraines (after also doing a lot of doctor visits and an MRI when one doctor thought it could also be MS) but it’s so hard to pin down stuff.
I also get complex migraines (got some stroke like numbness symptoms for the first time around the time I turned 40, fun times!). But an MRI confirmed migraines.
In any event, I am impressed by the work you still got done and hope the MRI provides some clarity.
“No one is coming for me but me” is quite literally the mantra I adopted after a knee surgery in 2022 that should have just had a physical recovery but instead started me on a healing path that has been hard, necessary and life changing. And I love your paragraph about what each healer thinks is going on with the you - the spiritualized tempter tantrum is brilliant. Hang in there. One day at a time.
The hill and I both miss your former hand weight vitality but we love you in any and every form. Let’s go sit or lay on a bench on the hill when I’m back.
This was such a good read, despite your terrible situation... oof. I'm so sorry. The whole time I was thinking, SOMEONE GET THIS WOMAN AN MRI. So I'm glad you got one, and I hope you get the results quickly. There has to be some sort of explanation here. I loved your Indigo Girls reference. I loved it all! Also, I'm a #4 too. ❤️
Haha yes please be my patient advocate Stephanie! In a weird way I was hoping my MRI would show something but... Nope!
Ugh. Did any of the docs suggest this to you, or refer to ENT? https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/15227-vestibular-neuritis
They supposedly ruled that out, thanks!